You Can Love Your Life Now!

By Charlene M Brown

I have a sage friend who says: “Relationships will end as they began.”

Profound advice. And when I looked back at my own relationships, I found it to be absolutely true.

When things started out as a torrent of emotions, they surely ended that way. And when things started out as mutually loving and respecting, so too did we part ways.

Another thing I learned is that always, ALWAYS did the other person mirror how I felt about myself.

When I entered into a relationship and didn’t think too highly of myself, the other person treated me like crap!

Unfortunately, this doesn’t just go for romantic relationships—it’s true for all relationships—for the most part they will end as they begin and be reflections of how you view yourself!

Said another way, you get what you tolerate.

Along these same lines, I had a very interesting discussion with a young man I mentor, let’s call him E.

E was asking me how I felt about “gentlemanly behavior”, opening doors and walking on the outsides of sidewalks, and such. He was wondering if I expected that from a romantic partner. I explained to him that while I was raised to be a strong and independent woman, nearly all of my male friends and acquaintances from my college years and beyond did those things and did them without question!

And as a result, I have come to expect them from the men in my life. This is with the understanding that of course I can open doors for myself or walk on the outside of a sidewalk! But it’s nice to have the door opened for me.

E then asked if I thought less of a man for not doing it. I told him that while I don’t think less of him, I do take note of its absence.

I have a number of articles about “How To Be A Lady” and how that definition has changed dramatically over the years.

But on relationships, I do think there should be two whole people joining together—not one completing the other. Nor do I believe that you should be my world when I am only your option, as the saying goes.

Do you remember the “Golden Rule” to do unto others as you would want done unto you? I think you should do unto yourself as you would want other people to do unto you.

If you don’t treat yourself well, how can you set a higher expectation of other people? Relationships, any relationships, are only going to mirror back to you what you think of yourself.

So if you think you are not worth the best, you surely can’t expect someone else to give it you!

From most of the men I know, the premise of opening the door for a Lady or walking on the outside of the sidewalk (which was usually accompanied by the gentleman wearing a top hat and comes from the times of old when there were no trash collectors and trash got thrown out of 2^nd story windows, so it would hit him and not her, btw) is based on the idea that “women should be treated like Queens.”

And you know what!? I agree with that premise! But if I don’t treat myself like a Queen, how can I ever expect anyone else to treat me like one!?

Whatever my ideas about being a “Lady”, there are definitely men in my life who have made me reconsider how I treat myself and how I expect to be treated by others! Funny that a (Gentle)man should teach me how to be a Lady!

But so it is!

Do You Love Your Life Now!? I Do! (Because I am a Queen! )

Related posts:

1. Go! Date Your Self!
2. The Big Switcheroo!
3. Single Vs Relationshiped: The Argument for Balance, Part II
4. The Common Denominator!
5. Try a Little Kindness: What Ever Happened to the Golden Rule!?

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