By Charlene M Brown
We’ve all heard about the woman who is so stuck on her past relationships that she can’t see the good man right in front of her. Or the man who LOVES his woman, but can’t seem to stay faithful to her. These stories are not new.
But here’s the thing, emotional baggage is not just about emotions. There is a physical component too!
If you go by the theory that your surroundings are a reflection of your state of mind, I would bet than when you feel emotionally cluttered, your personal space is cluttered too.
I KNOW this is true for me and I certainly come by it naturally and get it from my mother (and my grandmothers for that matter). No matter how hard I try, my personal spaces usually have some amount of clutter to them.
So it’s no real surprise that sometimes my thoughts are cluttered and crowded too!
And I’d bet that this is true for you too!
Sometimes clearing the emotional clutter begins with clearing the physical baggage first.
For me, everything has to have a specific place. If it doesn’t have a place to go, it’s going to get put anywhere. And that builds up until I can’t take it anymore and can’t think in my own space at all. Then I usually go on a cleaning/clearing rampage and air out my space. But then, unfortunately, I acquire more things that need places.
And the cycle repeats.
Truthfully, I feel better when my space is clear and I like that feeling. But here is where the emotional clutter comes into play. Somewhere deep down inside of me I LIKE the clutter! There I said it!
Yes, I like the clutter and use it as a crutch to make excuses for not doing things. Especially things that would be beneficial to me. This is a programmed response to the clutter. Somewhere along the way, I took comfort in the clutter, the extra padding, if you will.
This is a form of a wall that I have built for myself. It serves the same purpose as comfort food for my psyche.
The trick is to take that deeper look and figure out why I feel like I need the extra padding. Is it because I am afraid of relationships? Is it because I am comfortable being intimate with myself and no one else, or does it go even deeper than that? Is it a fear of not being good enough?
Perhaps, on some level it is all of those things! I have come a LOOOONNNNGGGGGG way toward clearing my space, my energy and my psyche. But because I can still ask these questions and know that there is some TRUTH in them, means that I still have work to do.
I can say, “Hey, I forgive all those things that have happened in my past.” I can focus on all of my blessings in the present and be grateful for all of the experiences I have had in my life. And I can create lasting change in my own attitude as I look to the future.
Sometimes the key to emotional garbage is to throw it in the trash and leave it out on the curb!
Do You Love Your Life Now!? I Do (because I work at it!)!!
Related posts:
- Letting Go of the Past!
- Date Night: Indulging in Pure Indulgence!
- Facing Yourself!
- Grateful After Thanksgiving!
- Peace Queen!
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© 2009 You Can Love Your Life Now!
Tags: afraid of relationships, being grateful, charlene brown, charlene brown articles, charlene brown life coach, charlene m brown, charli brown, charli brown articles, charli brown life coach, cleaning rampage, clear the clutter, clearing rampage, clearing the clutter, cluttered space, do you love your life now, emotional baggage, fear of relationships, forgiveness, im not good enough, past relationships, unfaithful men, you can love your life now, your surroundings are a reflection
February 22nd, 2010 at 11:16 pm
I agree with your blog. Why the baggage remains in our lives is because we allow it to. It’s almost like leaving trash in the kitchen and knowing that you need to take it out. But you refuse to until the smell is unbareable. Hell, somtimes we know it stinks but we just get use to the smell until sombody comes over and tells us, “umhh… somthing kinda smells here.”
But taking out the baggage in our lives, especially mine, can at times be very uncomfortable. I try to remind myself that my goal in life is to grow, remain peaceful, and remain connected to a purpose. Anything else I add additionally to my life, whether friendships, jobs, conversations, etc. Whatever else I add into my life that jeopardizes those three focuses needs to be taken out. When it jeopardizes those three things they are considered “baggage.”
It would be a perfect world if there were detectors of what future baggage “looks like.” Like if you knew a relationship would be baggage, if that person came with the words “baggage” on their forehead so you could stop the relationship before it starts. OR if the job that your going to take, you knew in a year it would make you feel like CRAP! If there was a red light on the job application that let you know ahead of time. But life does not work this way, you usually learn that somthing is bad for you after you’ve already invited it into your life. Then the challenge becomes detaching yourself from whatever it maybe.
But you have to learn that, until you perfect your “intuition” you will always have to deal with that. And even if you do perfect intuition, intution is an inconsistent thing (atleast for me) somtimes it’s on, other times it’s on it’s lunch break.
But yeah, the braver you get at confronting baggage. The more lighter you’ll become.
I guess it all deals with always examining your life.
Who said that, “the unexamined life is not worth living.” So true. Examine, revise, examine, revise, examine, revise. Isn’t that what we’re always doing, isn’t that how we grow as humans?
Alright my soap box is done…….. for now
February 23rd, 2010 at 12:39 pm
Hey luv! You crack me up. What a soap box that was!
I think Life is about Learning and the so-called “bad” experiences we have are all about the learning process. How can we know that we love the sunshine if we never experienced rain?
Having “baggage” is often about the learning process too. Learning how to be un-attached to something can be healing all by itself.
I think “perfection” is an unattainable ideal, yet I also believe each of us is PERFECT exactly as we are and when we learn to accept that, we grow automatically.
And I absolutely agree that “the braver you get at confronting baggage, the lighter you become.” I KNOW that is true for me!
Love Ya Lots!
~c
July 29th, 2010 at 8:11 pm
Hey Charli!
In my sociology class we learned about Eriksons 8 stages of Emotional Developement. Erikson belives that over a persons lifetime, they pass through a specific stage of develpoement. The kicker is if you do not successfully progress through any specific stage, your emotional developement can be permantly damaged. It’s just a theory, but one worth a little thought.
For instance, as an infant we pass though the “trust vs. mistrust” stage and this is what Erikson says,
“If caregivers are consistent sources of food, comfort, and affection, an infant learns trust- that others are dependable and reliable. If they are neglectful, or perhaps even abusive, the infant instead learns mistrust- that the world is in an undependable, unpredictable, and possibly dangerous place.”
What I found especially interesting is that ages 20-34 is the “intimacy vs. isolation” stage. Maybe this explains why we have so many questions and difficulties with intimacy at this time in our lives… just a thought
August 3rd, 2010 at 9:52 am
Whoa! Thanks Muslimah! I think that this 20-34 Intimacy stage is also a rehash of our own infancy in a way.
To me, the need for isolation and intimacy translate as the grown-up version of “will I be safe” from an infants perspective. Intimacy is also a form of safety. The basic question for both is: “Will you stand by me when I need you?”
I always love your thoughts, Muslimah!