You Can Love Your Life Now!

By Charlene M. Brown

Do you remember adolescent peer pressure? Well guess what? Adults go through it to!

Of course there is always direct peer pressure—someone saying you should do this because of x, y, and z. But there is also what I call indirect peer pressure—where you are looking around at the people around you and trying to make your life look like theirs. This indirect “peer” pressure is mostly self created. It is you trying to fit into something you don’t belong in. In this case, I am specifically talking about whether or not to be in a relationship, but this is true for all aspects of your life.

Take a closer look at your life. What these others have, is this really something that you want, is it something that will really work for you? Maybe your answer is “Yes!” to both or one of these questions. In that case, assess what you are doing now to make that happen—if it is the same thing you have always been doing that hasn’t worked so far—perhaps you need to change what you are doing. (Albert Einstein’s definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.)

If, however, when you really take a good look at what the people around you “have” or are doing, and you find that it wouldn’t work for you, here are some suggestions: Define or redefine what it means to be You. How do you deal with things when times get tough (Be Honest!)? What do you do to have fun, relax? Do you complain all the time about not meeting anyone, but are sitting on your couch when you say it (a friend of mine notes accurately that you are not going to meet people by sitting in your living room)?

Think, really think, about what you want. Write these things down. If one of these things is a partner or a mate (it can be short-term, if you’d like), what characteristics does this person need to have. Think realistically about what you seek in a companion—make a brainstorm list first about what you desire. Write down everything that comes to mind, even if you think it’s silly or dumb (It’s Not!). Don’t cross anything off at first. No Cheating! Now divide that list into 3 categories: things that must be present and are nonnegotiable, things that you are willing to bend on, and things that are not necessities, but would be a nice added bonus.

When you do this, do you come up with Superman? I did. Let’s be realistic for a second here: most men are not Superman. Are your standards (those must-haves) so high that you have marketed yourself right out of the dating game? There is absolutely nothing wrong with having high standards, but understand that it may very well take you longer to find a suitable mate because of them. There is nothing wrong with this either.

Let’s be realistic again, take a look at your middle category, those things that you are willing to bend on. What’s on this list? Have you had someone who had these characteristics and you couldn’t handle it, or did you have someone who was missing these things and you realized they need to go on the “must have” list. Be real with yourself. Why are these things important to you? Are they actually important to you and not someone else’s ideal? Figure these things out. Knowing this will make you a much better potential partner (because you can be realistic up front) if that is what you seek, but they can also make you a much better person, period. Knowing yourself will lead you to best meeting your needs (not someone else’s wants “for you”).

Whatever you do or are doing, make sure that it is best for YOU! Own your uniqueness! Embrace it!, whether that involves being a Sexy Single or a Taken Hot Tamale.

Love Your Life Now (Wherever You Are)! I DO!!

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