By Charlene M Brown
Which do you hang out with more, friends that are single or friends that are partnered? Do you find that the relationships you carry are different? How so?
Whether you 
are currently single and fabulous or partnered and fabulous, here I will make the case for balance—having a little of both sides. I am NOT making the case for “tasting” outside of your partnership, but for the balance of having both single and partnered friends.
Singles as friends can bring a certain kind of freedom to the relationship. These are often the people who live life as if invincible, very spur of the moment. They live at the speed of light. They are often tons of fun to be around! They can help you soar with the eagles, and are seemingly always flying high. They give you a bird’s eye view that you would not get had they not convinced you to climb that mountain with them. Singles can be refreshingly adventurous.
Partnered people, on the other hand, can bring you a sense of being grounded that is functionally supportive, a sense of security (for even eagles partner for life). They can make clear for you what sharing is. In partnerships, there is no more “what I say goes because I say so,” but the art of compromising at its essence; a synergy (where the whole is greater than the sum of the parts, as in 1+1+1 = 5) that does not exist in perpetually single people. Partnerships provide a solidness that you can lean on when you need to; a stability in times of wavering.
Both of these, however, are examples of healthy situations.
When Singles go awry, they can become perpetually needy and drain you of your energy. If you are “the fun friend”, you may find that your “friends” are always counting on you to come up with all the great ideas. This, also, can be a strain for you.
A partnered friend who is in a bad or unhealthy relationship can zap you dry with their need for attention, the same way as for a single friend. When things get unhealthy, whether for singles or partners, neither may be desirable as friends (I am not making the case for abandoning your friends in their times of need, but pointing out the differences between healthy and unhealthy relationships).
Of course Relationships, all relationships have their limits. All relationships change. Let me say that again: ALL RELATIONSHIPS CHANGE!!
For instance
: if you are a single woman who is friends with a now-partnered man, your relationship with him has to change in one way or another. It will either expand to include his partner, or it will collapse somewhat, with his partner taking your place for a great many things in his life. At extremes, these look like you being the constant third wheel, or your relationship with the guy ending completely.
These extremes are not necessarily any healthier than an unhealthy relationship. Like most things, the “health” of a relationship lies on a continuum and can be at any point at any time. One way or another, the Law of Nature is Balance and that balance must be maintained for the sake of functionality.
With that same Law of Balance, however, comes the importance of having different kinds of relationships in your life; sharing yourself both with single folks and partnered folks. Whether you are a single chica or a partnered one, find the Time and Space for both kinds of relationships—the single folk and the partnered folk. Strike the right balance and your life will be enriched by everyone in it.
Do You Love Your Life Now!? I Do!
Related posts:
- Single Vs Relationshiped: The Argument for Balance, Part II
- Do Unto Others
- Go! Date Your Self!
- The Common Denominator!
- On Relationships!
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© 2009 You Can Love Your Life Now!
Tags: charlene brown, charlene brown articles, charlene m brown, charli, charli brown, charli brown articles, healthy relationships, law of balance, life partners, partners, perpetually single, relationships, single vs relationshiped, synergy, unhealthy relationships, you can love your life now
November 20th, 2009 at 10:19 am
[...] So there you are. Balance is key! To see the case for being single, check out the Part I. [...]