By Charlene M Brown
Have you ever gone from relationship to relationship, yet still feel alone and lonely? Have you drawn the somewhat clichéd conclusion that, “it’s not them, it’s you?”
Do you find that even with companionship, you still feel unfulfilled? Perhaps you are afraid to be alone?
This happens to the best of us at one time or another.
Relationships (ALL relationships) teach us how to be our best selves. Sometimes, unfortunately, they teach us by showing us how we DON’T want to be treated!
If you’ve fallen into this lapse, let me offer you a suggestion: get out of the relationship you are in and get into a relationship with YOURSELF!
Date yourself!
That’s right, start courting yourself, taking yourself out on dates and really loving yourself.
It sounds silly, but by dating yourself, you find out how you really want to be treated and what you really expect from a partner.
It also sheds light on where your expectations are unrealistic for a partner: if you’re not willing to do these things for yourself, than how can you expect someone else to do them for you!?
Seriously, this works! I’ve done it!
You also really GROW as an individual. You learn to make yourself whole and complete all by yourself.
When you date yourself, you find out what you really want. And go full out! Get dressed for your first date and rock your sexiest heels!
Take mental notes as you do this!
Do you always go for ice cream after a movie, but never have with a partner? This teaches you to speak up (“the squeaky wheel gets the oil”, or in this case the ice cream).
Do you really dislike Vietnamese food, but have gone to appease a partner. Maybe you love Thai food, but never voiced this to your partner.
Dating yourself gives you a real idea of your preferences. It also shows you what you are looking for in a mate.
Ladies, does your guy always pick up the tab? Dating yourself puts a realistic monetary picture of what he is spending (times 2!) every time you go out.
This also gives you a chance to get to know you better.
A partnership should be between two whole people, not one completing the other. You should be able to stand on your own two feet before you try to stand on four. Once you’ve dated yourself, it will boost your confidence—telling other people: yes, I can do this by myself!” And all without saying a word!
I suggest dating yourself at least once in your life and for at least six months! This is a reasonable amount of time to get to know your Self and deal with whatever may come up. Learn how to wine and dine yourself, so you know how to communicate this to a partner when the time comes again.
Do You Love Your Life Now!? I Do! (Because I can wine and dine myself with the best of them!)
Charlene M Brown
I have a creative streak! Sometimes I keep her hidden. But when I do that for too long, she gets angry with me and bursts out, demanding to be heard. She took over me last night. This fun little activity was the result:
I was writing affirmations in bold Crayola Markers! My colored pencils got jealous and jumped out of the box, forcing me to do something with them.
Take a few pieces of paper (I was using the scraps from my affirmations) and cut or tear them into fun shapes and sizes. Any kind of paper will do, colored or white, construction or typing; you can even use scraps like I did!
Once you have a few different shapes, take each one and write something positive or encouraging on it. Write at least ten of these. I had 24 jealous colored pencils to appease, so I did 24, one for each color.
Then make all of the shapes of paper about the same size. This may require some folding for some or all of them, depending on how large you have made them. Do what you feel!
Now get some sort of container to put them in. It can be a tin from cookies or tea, it can be a special box, it can be a paper or plastic bag. You can decorate this too if you like! Put all the positive and encouraging words into this container.
Place this somewhere you have easy access to it.
Whenever you get frustrated or off task or just need something to brighten your day, take a dip into your Magic 8 Ball container and pull out one of those sayings! If you need to pull out more, do it—pull Magic 8-ball sayings to your hearts content.
Viola! There you have it, simple as that! This is an easy way to brighten your day. Heck, make this an office project, sit it on the water cooler and brighten everyone’s day!
There are no limits on how you do this. It’s fun, it doesn’t take too much time and it’s an easy and cheap way to brighten your day.
Do You Love Your Life Now!? I Do!
By Charlene M Brown’
When I was 14, I was fiercely independent! This hasn’t changed a whole lot since then, but I have calmed down a great deal—now I am calm and fiercely independent, instead of the angry little girl that I once was. (That’s relative too!)
Recently, I took my mother to the zoo. She brought snacks, just as if we were little kids on a class trip to the zoo! My sister-in-law was there too and we both got a kick out of my mom’s snacks!
Let me backtrack a moment: When I was in high school, my mom was the “team mom” and after every game she had treats for us, no matter if we won or lost! And if she couldn’t make the game, she would send the bag with me so my team would know she was there in spirit!
I used to hate when my mother did this.
Now I realize that small things like that bring my mother a great amount of joy.
It delights my mother if she can bring me an unexpected Reese’s Cup because she knows it’s my favorite.
My mom takes great delight in simply mothering—it’s just what she does!
So instead of always getting annoyed that my mother smothered me, I have learned to be grateful for a few things from the experience: 1 that I have a mother; 2 that I have a mother who cares; and 3, most importantly, that in appreciating such a small gesture from my mother and saying thank you for it, I can bring my mom lots of delight.
People are giving by nature. Mothers tend to be really good at this. Part of their joy comes from giving, especially to their children (no matter how old—and wait ‘til the grandbabies start coming!). I was being selfish and narrow-minded by not appreciating this gesture. So now I try to appreciate it and others like it.
People take delight in giving. Let’s honor them by receiving with an open heart and spirit.
So thank you Mom, for bringing us snacks on our recent adventure to the zoo! I really appreciate your thoughtfulness!
Do You Love Your Mom Now!? Yeeeaaaahhhh!
By Charlene M Brown
Having a Positive Attitude is all about your frame of mind.
It is also about how you spend your time.
And who you spend it with.
Think about this—when you spend your time with people who encourage and support you, you tend to feel really good about yourself, like you’re on top of the world and can do anything at all. (Psst, you can!)
But flip the coin—how do you feel when you are around people who always tell you that you “can’t”. They never support you and they always tell you how hard everything is going to be. They take a nice shiny pin and stick it right in the balloon of your dreams. They really bring you down.
There are a few reasons for this, one of which is that they believe in the concept of “lack.”
Now, most of us do, but we don’t really realize it. We have been taught to believe this all of our lives. The concept of lack says that there is a limited amount of “stuff” in the Universe and only a few people can have that “stuff” (money, power, wealth, etc.).
I can guarantee you the people who poke holes in your dreams believe in this. They say things like, “Oh, why don’t you stay in this career because it’s safe and secure.” Or when you are trying to take time for yourself, they always find some other emergency that you HAVE to help out with.
I’m here to tell you that this perception of Lack is untrue! In fact, the Universe is governed by just the opposite rule, that of Abundance, of “asking and you shall receive.”
This is called the Law of Attraction. This basically boils down to you getting what you think about.
Why then, are there so many “bad” things in the world if we get what we think about?
Very good question: there is certainly no shortage on crime and poverty in the world. But this is the result of all of the people who are constantly thinking about them.
Have you ever watched the 6-o-clock news? It’s full of stories of all the things going wrong with the world. Rarely do you see things going right. If you watch this regularly, you are only becoming an expert on war, crime, scandal and murder.
The people who are always dashing your dreams have the same effect. By listening to them, you become an expert on all the things you can’t do and learn to focus on them.
With that said, if you are ready to stop complaining and DO SOMETHING about this, there are a few steps you can take:
1. Find positive, self-affirming stuff to do—things you enjoy, and things that make you feel uplifted. This might be hanging out with some positive friends or with a new group of positive folks, or reading a good positive thinking book like Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill.
2. Limit your time and exposure to the news
3. Limit your exposure to those toxic people who always tell you that you can’t
4. Spend some quality time with yourself
5. Find “positive thinking” affirmations and activities (there is a wealth of resources online or at your local library or bookstore)
6. Try one of my E-Courses on Creating Harmony or Enjoying the Journey. Both can be found here.
There are, of course lots of other wonderful ideas that you can come up with that suit you best. Let us know about them by leaving a comment or sending us feedback through our “Contact” page.
The important thing to know is that you CAN change your life from a constantly toxic one to a healthy supportive one, but YOU HAVE TO BE WILLING TO CHANGE!
Do You Love Your Life Now!? I Do! (Because I limit my interaction with toxic people and situations!)
By Charlene M Brown
Are you looking for your Direction in Life? Trying to Figure out your True Passion!? I had a revelation today while talking to my sister: Finding your Direction has more to do with who you really are than with who you’re trying to be!
By Charlene M Brown
Every single action you take is to get attention!
Now hear me out on this one:
Whether it is coloring your hair or wearing those infamous skinny jeans or wearing bright blue eye shadow, every single thing we do is to grab attention.
Working from home, I make it a point to leave my house at least once a day. Often, when I don’t have business to conduct, this is taking a walk around my neighborhood.
Today, I was people watching and taking notice of all the things they did to get attention. Some had tattoos, some had sassy denim skirts, some dyed their hair blonde, or brown, or shocking pink. I was noticing all the little details, from the mundane, to the extravagant.
Of course we all notice the guy with the shocking pink Mohawk! That is clearly the intent, whether conscious (“I really want people to notice me”) or subconscious (“I’m just doing Me”).
But all of the subtler things that we do, whether it is wearing a pin in support of breast cancer, or lining our eyes with our favorite “Smoke” colored liner, these are to get attention too, perhaps in a different way.
Smokers are trying to draw the attention of other smokers (“Can I get a light?”). Bikers—whether riding Hogs or earth-friendly cyclists—are trying to draw the attention of other bikers.
And so it goes.
But what’s really so wrong with this? We all want to be noticed, right!?
Right! But like any good marketing scheme, it’s all in the packaging!
Ladies (I know Fellas, some of you read this too), we do so many little things to get someone else’s attention, whether it is that hot guy who lives across the hall or your parents who are always making little remarks about this or that, we are always trying to “fix” ourselves.
Guess What!!!!? YOU DO NOT NEED TO BE FIXED!
That’s right, “You are a brilliant piece of architecture whole unto yourself, and you Do Not Need To Be Fixed!” (~Debbie Ford, The Right Questions)
Don’t worry about dying your hair (you’re literally killing it as the name implies), focus on making your natural color healthy.
Don’t worry about what color eyeliner to wear, focus on eating foods that make your eyes the picture of health.
Stop worrying about the clothes that make you feel funky, put your efforts into being funky in your clothes. And in your own skin!
Just imagine all of the companies that would go out of business if we weren’t always trying to “fix” ourselves! Cosmetic companies, clothing companies, plastic surgery offices, silicone companies, the list goes on!
So YES! Absolutely! We are all trying to get attention in one way or another. But what about trying to get attention for just being your wonderful, natural self? Why put on the airs and make the fuss pretending to be something you’re not!?
Why not just be your wonderful, natural great, perfect SELF! (Safely Encouraging to Love Me First!)
Happy SELF to You!
Do You Love Your Life Now!? I DO!! (Because I love My S.E.L.F.!)
My College Lied To Me: The Falsities of Getting A Job After College!
By Charlene M Brown
I don’t know about you, but when I was in college, I was under the false impression that based on the education I was supposedly receiving, I would have job offers flying off the table when I was done!
This was not the case at all when I finished college!
College doesn’t tell you what it’s like trying to get a job in a tough economy. College doesn’t teach you to fend for yourself when you are not the golden child!
As I neared the end of my college career, I had a few interviews, but none that I wanted to take. But I was lucky to even have those!
A young woman I met this past weekend and one of the young women I mentor are both facing a similar situation as they prepare to complete their university degrees: neither of them knows exactly what she wants to do with her self and her life.
And this is a situation many of our young college graduates face as they prepare for the next phase of their lives—they don’t know what they are supposed to be preparing for.
For me, I went to a reputable institution and got a degree that has top-tier accreditation attached to it. Yet I was not the Golden Child of my class. The one thing I knew with certainty when I graduated from college was that I didn’t want to do what my school was pushing me to do!
I was torn!
And on top of that, I had the expectation that if I put in the work, somebody would offer me a job! As it turned out, I didn’t have a single job offer after coming out of a prestigious institution with Honors! I was utterly confused!
I did what they asked me to do: I played the game, I got the grades they told me I was supposed to get, I had the internships I was supposed to have, I had the “mold-able, good head on my shoulders” like I was supposed to. Why on Earth, did I not have any job offers!?
I’d been duped!
The REALITY was that getting a job was no piece of cake. It took me some time to navigate the waters and figure out some of the things I might possibly want to do. My list of things I didn’t (don’t!) want to do gets longer and longer by the year.
Any of this sound familiar!?
But guess what!?
There is hope!
We are all better at some things than others. Very often we find that it is not what we went to school for. There are various reasons for this and whatever yours is, it’s okay! Going to college doesn’t necessarily speak to the things we are most passionate about!
However, college is a great time of your life to explore some of these things. They may be extracurricular activities like dance or music or politics. Or maybe it’s a class that you enjoyed so much, it prompted you to change your major!
My point is: DO THINGS THAT SPEAK TO YOUR PASSION! Let college remain behind you and be fully present in the Now!
I have a girlfriend who graduated with a degree in Finance! When she got out of college, she got her teaching certificate and taught high school Spanish for a few years stemming from spending a semester abroad in Spain! Now she is in culinary school! None of this has anything to do with her Finance degree. But she is living in the moment. She is flexible enough to decide to change directions and take the steps necessary to do it!
I genuinely admire this about her. But what I love most is her carefree spirit about all the shifts in her Life’s Direction.
This is what I am encouraging you to do: Go, be free. Follow Your Passion!
Don’t worry about what college did or did not teach you. You can learn along the way! Live Your Life To The Fullest, no matter where you are in that Life!
Do You Love Your Life Now!? I Do! (Because I am learning as I go, and it has nothing to do with my degree!)